38

Well here I am at 38. Birthdays are always an interesting time for me as they are so closely linked to New Years that a feeling of introspection always sets in and I suspect is doubled in magnitude. I have spent many years being impervious to retrospection (or at least pretending I was) and making light of the spiritual side of life. In many ways this of course was a protection mechanism for stuff that I did not want to understand, deal with, or acknowledge. Now I am not saying I have found god or some deep spiritual sense of being, but I think I am more now willing to accept that there might be something greater than just existence for existence sake. I still fundamentally believe that humans believe in a god (in terms of a conventional religion) because it makes it easier to deal with the unknowns of life and in particular death. Another thing that gives me trouble with religion, is if indeed there was a Christian god, then why did so many people, for so many years believe in Pagan gods etc. I mean, people worshiped Pagan gods for longer than we have worshiped a Christian one. Paganism was only swept away by the advent of Christianity and its adoption by the state. This adoption, was of course a very smart thing as it enabled the state to continue to control the people, at a time when the world as they knew it was being torn apart by political instability and attacks and incursions by other tribes and nations.

Anyway, enough with the advent of Christianity 101. So as I said I am feeling introspective, so today, as ever, will be an interesting challenge. I am having a BBQ this afternoon, which should be fun as long as it stops raining!! A good mix of people are coming, so that always makes for a far more interesting time.

The other day I put down my things I was aiming for in 2009, so not much to say there, so I thought I might quickly look back over 37. As I turned 37 I was still dealing with my mothers death in many ways. She had only passed 6 months earlier and going straight in to a new job the week after her funeral meant I was immediately focused elsewhere. The job was causing me a lot of stress this time last year as I was still learning the ropes, and was in the midst of a major multi-million dollar project which I was mainly responsible for. Mini-Golf was was the order of the day last year, with the inaugural Corin Haines challenge. I of course forgot about that this year (much to everyone's delight I am sure). When I think back on the last year, so so much is taken up with RFID, being scared shitless I had forgotten something, or something was going to go wrong or the budget was going to be blown. My mind is in a bit of a swirl as I try to think of other major thing that happened.

A large focus of last year on the personal front was the trip to the U.S for a month. So much of my energy was spent building up to it, keeping us on track and preparing for what was my first major overseas trip (having only been to Australia before). The trip was fantastic, I saw so much, grew so much and learnt so much. The whole trip blew my mind and I ache for more experiences like it everyday now. New York is amazing and I totally dug it. San Francisco is just lovely and I have to say Boston is a really neat place. Denver and the wedding (which was the whole point of the trip) was just the best experience as we met a whole family of people there who have become part of our lives and it is truly special to have that now too.

Kat and I have grown stronger as a partnership and it is largely through the stresses and strains of a relationship. We never have all out fights, but we have frustrations with each other which occasionally we have to confront. It is this stuff which is the mortar of our relationship I think. The stuff that holds us together and means that we will be able to always be together. There is a maturity in this relationship which I love and appreciate. Maybe for this first time I appreciate it and that is what is the difference with us together, as opposed to my past. I am not sure I have the answers, but I do know it is good.

Alright, that will do for today. New Years Eve tomorrow, plenty of time for more introspection.